I've Got a Little List

an updated version of Gilbert and Sullivan's classic from The Mikado

(Sing along to the karaoke version here.)


As some day it may happen that covidians must be found,
I've got a little list—I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed—who never would be missed!

There's the GPs who have never seen vaccines they didn’t like,
And cyclists who insist on wearing masks whene’er they bike,
Those people who must sanitize their hands before they shop,
And take another dollop of the gel before they stop,
And persons who in greeting use an elbow or a fist—
They'd none of 'em be missed—they'd none of 'em be missed!

CHORUS.
He's got 'em on the list—he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed—they'll none of
'em be missed.

There's the single source of truthers with the others of their ilk,
And the covid scientist—I've got him on the list!
All the Ministers who say that Pfizer jabs are mother’s milk,
They never would be missed—they never would be missed!
Then the smug officious bureaucrats who sit behind a glass
Before they let you enter places lest you have your pass,
And the Health Director-Generals who tirelessly advise
That lockdowns, social distancing and work-from-home are wise,
And that TV news celebrity, the immunologist—
I don't think she'd be missed—I'm sure she'd not be missed!

CHORUS.
He's got her on the list—he's got her on the list;
And I don't think she'll be missed—I'm sure
she'll not be missed!

That businessman whose coffers grew for every shot he pushed, 
The cheerful pharmacist—I've got him on the list!
And the judges, lawyers, councils who made sure debate was crushed,
They'd none of 'em be missed—they'd none of 'em be missed!

All the doctors who neglected to provide informed consent
Because they were afraid they would be punished for dissent, 
The Prime Minister who smiled and to the mandates said ‘yep, yep!’,
Then fled the mess she made—she should be sure to watch her step!

But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
For they'd none of 'em be missed—they'd none of 'em be
missed! 

CHORUS.
You may put 'em on the list—you may put 'em on the
list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed—they'll none of
'em be missed!

Emanuel E. Garcia
November 2023

Here's hoping that someday justice will be served! And a little humour is needed too.

From The Mikado by Gilbert and Sullivan

SONG—KO-KO with CHORUS OF MEN.


As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list—I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed—who never would be missed!
There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs—
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs—
All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat—
All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like
that—
And all third persons who on spoiling tete-a-tetes insist—
They'd none of 'em be missed—they'd none of 'em be missed!

CHORUS.
He's got 'em on the list—he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed—they'll none of
'em be missed.

There's the banjo serenader, and the others of his race,
And the piano-organist—I've got him on the list!
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face,
They never would be missed—they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
All centuries but this, and every country but his own;
And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy,
And who "doesn't think she waltzes, but would rather like to
try";
And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist—
I don't think she'd be missed—I'm sure she'd not he missed!

CHORUS.
He's got her on the list—he's got her on the list;
And I don't think she'll be missed—I'm sure
she'll not be missed!

And that Nisi Prius nuisance, who just now is rather rife,
The Judicial humorist—I've got him on the list!
All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life—
They'd none of 'em be missed—they'd none of 'em be missed.

And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind,
Such as—What d'ye call him—Thing'em-bob, and
likewise—Never-mind,
And 'St—'st—'st—and What's-his-name, and also You-know-who—
The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you.

But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
For they'd none of 'em be missed—they'd none of 'em be
missed!

CHORUS.
You may put 'em on the list—you may put 'em on the
list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed—they'll none of
'em be missed!